Abby advises woman to block ex after 20-year marriage strains
The advice columnist tells a reader to cut contact with a former boyfriend who keeps finding her through friends, even after she left social media.
By Layla Petrov ·
A 39-year-old reader told Abby that a former boyfriend has re-entered her life, disrupting a marriage that has lasted two decades.
The woman, who writes from the Northwest, said she and her husband met when they were young. Their two children are nearly grown. She noted that her husband cheated on her several times early in their relationship. She stated that she moved past those incidents for the most part and that they now have a solid life.
Over the last 18 months, several ex-boyfriends have contacted her. She removed herself from social media and job websites to limit her visibility, but they continued to find her. One man has taken up more space in her mind than he should.
The reader explained that she and the specific ex spoke on the phone about a year ago. They did not meet in person. She felt awful and told him she could no longer talk to him. He found her again through a mutual friend, and intrusive thoughts about him have returned.
The woman added that she never got the chance to date around like her spouse did. She said her husband has slept with many women, while she has only ever slept with him. She feels she missed out on something but cannot discuss it with others.
Abby told the reader not to risk a solid relationship over a what-if scenario. The columnist stated that her husband’s decades-old indiscretions are not an excuse to cheat now. Abby advised the reader to let the past go completely, calling it ancient history. She told the reader to block the ex-boyfriend and ask friends to stop sharing her number without permission. If the reader needs to rekindle passion with her husband, Abby suggested consulting a licensed couples counselor, either alone or with him.
Abby also answered a second letter from a couple in Arizona. They hosted longtime friends who called two hours before arrival to push dinner back to 10:30 p.m. The couple adapted, serving light appetizers and dessert when the friends arrived near 11 p.m. They retired at midnight after setting up the guest room. They told the guests they needed to leave by 10 a.m. for a commitment but could visit over coffee beforehand. The friends said they prefer to sleep until almost noon and seemed miffed that the hosts did not change their plans. Abby said she would have handled the situation the same way and would not host that presumptuous couple again.
